Ninety Nine Nights of Gigglefitting
by viva rose
Summary: Behind the scenes of making N3, Aspharr is a preppy pimp boy, Dwingvatt an emo intellectual, Inphyy is not a morning person, Klarrann is a pervert, Tyurru is addicted to sugar, Myifee is gay and Vigk Vagk just wants to get the girl for once.
1. Chapter 1

Vivarose: Don't own, don't sue.

Dedication: I wrote this for a friend of mine because we both despise Aspharr's character, Jer I hope you like it.

Summary: Behind the scenes of making N3, Aspharr is a preppy pimp boy, Dwingvatt an emo intellectual, Inphyy is not a morning person, Klarrann is a pervert, Tyurru is addicted to sugar, **Myifee** is gay and Vigk Vagk just wants to get the girl for once.

6AM- Phantagram Studios-South Korea

Inphyy yawned and turned off her car, it was way too early to begin filming for Ninety Nine Nights. But they had set the release date back five times already and the public was getting bitchy. She sighed reluctantly and got out of the car not really wanting to deal with her fellow actors. She crossed the parking lot, the metal of her costume clanking loudly against the asphalt of the all but empty parking lot. She winced and desperately hoped that Tyurru hadn't shown up yet, as she slowly opened the door to the studio as quietly as she could.

But all her efforts were in vain as a blur of blue tackled her as soon as she stepped inside the building.

"HiyaInphyy!BoyohboyamIexcited!We'regonnadotheultraspecialsecretsuperawesomescencetoday!Ican'twait!Ican'twait!Igettofloodthestudioagaintoo!Thisisgonnabesomuchfun!Heydoyouthinkyoucouldhelpmewithmymathhomeworkafterwe'redoneshootingtoday?Causethere'sthisproblemthatIreallydon'tunderstand-" Struggling, Inphyy shoved off the small blue cloaked sorceress who was bouncing up and down, chattering a million miles a minute and moving so fast Inphyy was surprised that she didn't ricochet off the walls.

"TYURRU!" Inphyy yelled, causing the girl to pause for a moment. "CAN YOU SIT STILL FOR FIVE MINUTES?!" The girl looked hurt for a moment and didn't move, but then began twitching and in a matter of seconds had taken off again at a million miles an hour and began running around the community dressing room again, chattering at the top of her lungs. Inphyy sighed clutching her head, it was too early for this. Too damn early. She made her way to the coffee pot, which had been supposedly put out of Tyurru's reach, that was until they realized that she could indeed levitate on her key wand. Pouring herself a mug full of the dark comforting liquid and inhaled the scent deeply. It didn't matter that it was dollar store coffee, it had much needed caffeine which she would need if she was to make it through the day without killing Tyurru. _I swear to the gods that child needs Ritalin, or a strait jacket._ With that comforting thought in mind, Inphyy walked over to her vanity and put the coffee down on the counter, pulled her script out of her pack and sat down, looking over the lines for the day. The metal door to the studio opened and she glanced up,

"Morning Dwingvatt," she said.

"Meh," was the only reply she got from the white goblin, who had his nose buried in a book, yet somehow avoided being tackled by the hyperactive Tyurru and made his way to the coffee pot.

"HiyaDwingvatt!Hiyahiyahiya!How'reyoutoday?Areyouexcited?I'mexcited!Wegettodotheultrasuperawesomescenetoday!Yougettodothetornadothingytoday!AndIgettofloodthestudioagain!Ohboyohboy!Thisisgonnabesomuchfun!Fun!Fun!Fun!Fu-" Tyurru continued in this vein as Dwingvatt bladently ignored her, and poured his coffee, nose still buried in the book then made his way to his own chair, which was a few feet from Inphyy's.

"Funfunfunjoyfulnessandspasmly!Don'tyouthinkitwillbefun?Ibetit'llbereallycoolwithlotsoflightsandstuff!YouknowyoushouldsmilemoreDwingvattitsgoodforyo-EEP!" The white goblin had put his coffee and his book down and picked Tyurru up by the collar of her robes, her feet were dangling off the ground.

"Shut. Up," he said in a very calm manner, his yellow eyes rimmed by a pair of black framed glasses, his face somber.

"Sillyhead!" Tyurru squealed and smushed Dwingvatt's cheeks together. "You'resuchasombersillyhead!Yershyouare!Yearshyouare!"

"Tyurru," Dwingvatt pried her hands off his face and looked at her seriously. "I am not a silly head. If you call me that again, if you touch me again today unless the script calls for it, I will personally remove every single food item that contains simple sugars and/or caffeine from this studio. And yes I know where your personal stash is. I will take all the Red Bull and I will give it to the homeless children who need it more than you do."

"Youwouldn'tdare!" Tyurru's face was shocked with horror.

"Tyurru I am as serious as cancer," the white goblin said, slowly putting her down. "Now leave me alone. Understand?" He released the water sorceress and watched her stare up at him with her big blue eyes, trembling at the thought that all the sugar might be removed.

"Wouldyoureallytakeawayallthesugar?" she whispered, trembling violently, probably not in fear but out of the sheer fact that she had stood completely still for the past twenty seconds. Inphyy was sure if the girl stood still any longer she would spontaneously combust.

"Yes Tyurru I would take every single gram of sugar," Dwingvatt said, peering down at her over the rims of his glasses. Tyurru looked like she was about to cry, and was glaring daggers at the goblin. However the staring contest was broken as the sound of a garage door opening distracted her and she ran off in the direction of the sound.

"Sounds like Vigk Vagk is here," Inphyy said to the goblin.

"Meh," Dwingvatt settled into his chair and picked back up the book. "That child, I swear she should be locked away at night. I don't know who keeps letting her into the studio kitchen..." he trailed off and began reading again, pausing only to push his glasses back up on his nose.

"What are you reading anyways? Don't you have to read your lines for today?" Inphyy sipped her coffee as the goblin rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"If you must know I'm reading Tess of the D'Urbervilles and no I've already memorized my lines. I did so three weeks ago," he added smuggly.

"Pah, you intellectual you," Inphyy leaned over and lightly punched him in the arm. "Make a mere human like me jealous. So what's the book about?"

"A woman in the Stonehenge time who is raped by a high standing noble, gives birth to his bastard child, who dies within a few days due to sickness, and his final hours are his mother baptizing him and naming him "Sorrow"."

"Oh. My. Sounds pleasant."

"Actually you'll find that it has great literary value. The amount of symbolism alone is tremendous. You se-"

"Dwing," Inphhy patted his arm kindly. "You see, unlike you, I am not an intellectual, I merely want to make it to my next pay check so I can get my cat some more food."

"Oh, I see," with that Dwingvatt went back to reading.

"Oh don't take it all personal. I'm not at the same level as you are. You're going to college for your what Bachelor's- "

"Doctorate actually."

"Okay Doctorate in English Literature. I on the other hand barely have a Bachelor's, and that has taken me forever and I'm still in debt-"

"Your point Inphyy?" he snapped irritably, looking up from his book at her.

"I was only trying to give you a compliment, cranky," she scowled and went back to her lines

"Well at least it gets us in the mood for our characters. We are supposed to want to kill each other."

"Oh go back to your book," Inphyy sipped her coffee.

"Who's cranky now?" she could practically hear him smirking as he spoke, but chose to ignore him. The door opened again and they both looked up to be greeted by the sight of Aspharr walking in.

"I'm here, now the party can start," he announced, holding a Starbucks in one hand and his jacket slung over his shoulder in the other.

"Oh goody. I can't contain my excitement," Dwingvatt muttered, turning a page in his book.

"I heard that, Dwingy," Aspharr said sitting down with his Starbucks.

"Don't call me 'Dwingy'."

"Dwingy. Has anyone seen Tyurru by the way. She's supposed to flood the studio again for today's shot."

"Last I saw of her she went to harass Vigk," Inphyy said, staring at her script but not processing a single word.

"Oh she usually bounds right in here."

"Dwingvatt threatened to remove all forms of sugar if she didn't bugger off."

"Dwingy how could you threaten a child like that? That's horrible!" Aspharr gasped.

"I said don't call me 'Dwingy'," the goblin growled, he too was just staring at the pages in his book, not processing the words.

"Dwingy. Dwingy. Dwingy. Dwingy," Aspharr taunted. Inphyy saw a muscle starting to jump in Dwingvatt's jaw, the day might not be a waste after all. "All you do is read, you never go out, never hang out with any of us. Of course it figures because you're not a _main character_. How does it feel Dwingy to be left out of the in crowd? Oh poor me, no body likes me because I'm a goblin!" Aspharr made his voice annoying high pitched. "I'm so sad I think I'll go cut my wri-"

"SHUT UP!" Dwingvatt threw his book down and launched himself out of his chair at Aspharr. Inphyy giggled to herself and ignored them. But the sreetches of pain from Aspharr were too much for her not to ignore. As she looked up **Myifee** walked in through the door whistling to himself.

"Oh my. What did Aspharr say this time?" the warrior sighed.

"Called Dwingvatt 'Dwingy', " Inphyy said matter-of-factly.

"Those boys are ridiculous," Myifee rolled his eyes, he too had a Starbucks and sat down on the other side of Inphyy, propping his script open. "When will they ever learn?"

"Hey Myifee, wanna bet on who will win?" Inphhy grinned evilly, sipping her dollar tree coffee.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own N3. Rar!

Dedicated to Jer: hope you like it.

The obvious screams of pain greeted the director as he walked up to the studio, he had been talking with Klarrann about the aspects of his character for the shot today.

"Hundred bucks on who it is," the director said.

"Huh?" Klarrann had been busy ogling the rather large breasted director's assistant who had just gotten out of her car.

"Nevermind, and no you cannot hit that," the director said as he held the door open for the young lady who ran up to them, breasts bouncing in all their robust glory.

"Your coffee sir," she handed a Starbucks to the director.

"Very good, now go make sure that stages one, four and seven are set up for today," he said, ignoring the fact that Klarrann's eyes were glued to the woman's breast, and went into the studio after the woman. Inphyy was having her hair put up by Myifee, who was telling her the exact art of the process, and Dwingvatt and Aspharr were fighting, not surprisingly the goblin was winning. Tyurru and Vigk Vagk were nowhere to be seen, which was a good thing as far as the hyperactive water sorceress was concerned.

"Dwingvatt don't kill him," the director said walking past the two, as the goblin had just pulled out a butterfly knife and appeared to have all intentions of slitting the blonde's neck. "Wait till the end of the production please." The director set down his coffee and his master copy of the script on a table and looked back at the cast of Night Nine Nights. It would be a small wonder if they finished production on their new time line.

"Okay, people! People!" the director yelled over Aspharr's yelps of pain. "PEOPLE!" he yelled hopelessly, Inphyy and Myifee looked at him, and Dwingvatt stopped extracting his revenge on Aspharr.

"That's bett-"

"OW! FUCK!" Dwingvatt swore, Aspharr had grabbed a hold of the white goblin's ears and was twisting them and had flipped the goblin off of him.

"Servesyouright!" came a rapidly speaking, high pitched voice above them. The director looked up at Tyurru who was floating on her key above them. "Meanie! Youbigmeaniethreateningtotakeawayallthesugar! KickhisassAspharr! Noonethreatensmysugarandgetsawaywithit!Badbadbadgoblin!"

"I'm not a fucking dog you twit!" Dwingvatt yelled at the girl, as he struggled to get Aspharr off of his ears.

"Well it looks like Klarrann is about to get away with peeping," Inphyy whispered to Myifee as the priest entered the studio finally and was trying to look up Tyurru's skirt as she still floated above them on her key.

"Yuck. No offense Inphyy," the warrior said making a face, patting the actress on the shoulder.

"None taken. So how're things with your new boyfriend?"

"Oh they're going good."

"Good, good. So you two still up for dinner tonight?"

"I thought you had a cat to feed?"

"She can have the leftovers." Inphyy and Myifee's life changing conversation was interrupted as the ground shook and the final member of the main N3 cast arrived in the dressing room.

"Morning Vigk," Myifee said, looking up at the ogre.

"Morning Myifee, Inphyy," the ogre said, looking at the two humans then over to where Tyurru and Aspharr were tag-teaming Dwingvatt. Klarrann was still looking up Tyurru's skirt and the director looked about ready to pull his hair out.

"Something tells me that this is not the best time to ask the director if I can have a larger part or a hero status and get a girl at the end of my story," Vigk said.

"No its probably not, but you should ask him anyway. That way he doesn't get the surprise later in the day when he's really low on patience," Myifee said. "I got my part extended, so I'm sure that the director can give you a happy ending where you get a life partner."

"..." Vigk looked at the warrior, processing what he had just said. "You do know that I'm not gay right?"

"Don't be hating."

"...I'm not hating. Just pointing out. By the way how is your boyfriend?" The ogre sat down with the two humans and began chatting.

At this point the director had was just about to give up on getting anything done that day, granted at least all of the actors and actresses had shown up today. Perhaps the day could still be salvaged, it was still early afterall...

"PEOPLE!" the director yelled one last time. "EVERYONE LISTEN OR YOU'RE ALL FIRED!" To emphasis his point he threw down the master script on the floor where it made a loud smack similar to that of a large fish being bludgeoned to death. Fortunately for the director's sanity this worked and all conversations, methods of torture and looking up women's skirts stopped and the director held everyone's attention.

"Good. Now: Aspharr, Tyurru let Dwingvatt up; Dwingvatt no more threatening Tyurru with removing sugar, Aspharr show more respect for a fellow actor; Inphyy dear you look lovely but drink about six more cups of coffee and we'll be ready to go, Myifee thank you for doing her hair make sure your lines are memorized and this time when we choreography the fight scenes try not to shake your hips so much, Klarrann I will have you removed from the studio if you don't stop ogling my assistant's breasts and focus more on your lines, and Vigk Vagk-"

"Actually I need to talk to your about something," the ogre interrupted, standing up. The director's face fell.

"What is it?" the director groaned.

"I feel that my character deserves more time dedicated to his part of the story."

"Vigk, you're already the "unlockable" character!"

"But I'm such a stereotype! I want to have a happy ending! I want to get a girlfriend in the end and ride off into the sunset!" the ogre struck a dramatic pose.

"Vigk..." the director sighed. "You're not a stereotyped character. You've been made innocent and lovable and given one of the most heart wrenching stories of the whole damn game! Most ogres just go around and smash stuff and have no depth of character! This role you is monumental! Please Vigk, you have to crawl before you can walk, once the public warms up to the idea of a ogre as a protagonist then you can get a girlfriend!"

"But Dwingvatt-"

"Does not get a girlfriend."

"He doesn't?"

"No he doesn't. You and him have vital roles for your characters as protagonists! Now I don't want to hear another word about it! Go start buffing up for your promo shot!"

"But-"

"GO!" The director yelled, a vein in his neck starting to throb dangerously. The ogre scowled and turned to leave, as the director turned back to the rest of the cast who were watching him all with equally terrified looks on their faces. "YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TILL THE SHOT! ALL OF YOU GET TO WORK!! NOW!!" The humans and goblin all scattered under his glare and the director picked up his master script and sat down to drink his coffee.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own

Disclaimer: Don't own. Blah blah blah.

Dedicated to Jer, hope you like it. Sorry its taken me so long to work on it.

QQQQ

"Annnnnnnd, action!"

"Scene 42: Epic boss battle: Inphyy vs. Dwingvatt, take 1," the marker snapped and against the blue screen that would later be filled in luscious green mountainy background, Inphyy and Dwingvatt brought their fake swords together in a less than threatening "swamck". They continued in this manner for about five minutes, all in accordance with the pre-choriographied movements, and a few seconds later, Inphyy excecuted the special attack move of a tripple air flip and loop and landed it perfectly, not getting tangled in her wires for once. THe director was positively giddy, since that morning after the initail threat of firing, everything had been going perfectly. But the director also knew that this was too good to last and fifteen minutes later called for a cut scene and for everyone to take thirty for lunch. If they could only have more days that went smoothly, then they would finish by the time of the release date, they'd been forced to change it several times already, mostly due to the actors and actresses trying to kill each other. But maybe, finally, today it had sunk in to them...

QQQQ

Dwingvatt was propped in a chair again, his nose buried once more in Tess of the D'Urbervilles, the black rimmed glasses at the tip of his nose. Inphyy plopped down next to him and munched noisely on her selection of food from the in studio buffet, carrots and hot wings with ranch.

"Not eatin'?" she asked the goblin.

"Hmm? Oh no, not now. I'll get something before heading home. I don't much like eating here. Especially around Tyurru," he jerked his head to the water sorceress, who was in the process of emptying cans of Red Bull into her two gallon water jug.

"Why's that? She's not bothered since this morning," Inphyy looked confused. Dwingvatt lowered his book and looked at her as if about to reveil a great secret.

"She makes me nervous. That small child scares the shit out of me. As a result I stress. Stress and food do not go together with me, as they do some people."

Inphyy nodded solemly at this revelation, and Dwingvatt went back to reading.

"Inphyy, _darling_" Myifee cooed as he sauntered over to the tabel the two were sitting at. "How did your shot go?"

"Eh," the human shrugged. "No problems. Uneventful."

"Ah no wonder the director is in such a good mood," Myifee beamed and set about daintily eating his quiche.

"Why are you so happy Myifee?" Dwingvatt asked not looking up from his book.

"Oh you know," Myifee giggled, "My boyfriend came to visit me between shots, that and one of the camera boys has been giving me looks. Ohhh there's just so much pent up tension in this place. I say we all go out for strawberry daiquiris after work."

"Lovely," Dwingvatt mumbled, his posture had slumped more and his face gotten closer to the pages the longer the conversation had dragged on.

"Oh Dwingvatt, don't be such a baby!" The warrior moved behind the goblin and began to massage his shoulders. This lasted ten seconds before Dwingvatt turned around and glared at the human who got the message and stopped.

"I was only trying to help darling," Myifee said in his defense, his feelings hurt.

"Do not. Touch. Me. I am already agitated and that is not helping."

"You're just a homophobe."

"Am not.

"Are too.

Dwingvatt grumbled and picked his book back up as silence settled on the table again. It was broken a few seconds later by Aspharr making another grand apperance, apparently blissfully unaware that he was unwanted.

"Inphyy, my dear, why do you sit with them. Come eat with me in my private trailer. We could work on our scenes. I'll even show you my amazing _sword skills_," Aspharr invited, hand on one hip the other held out as if he was Christ himself offering salvation. "Let me pluck you from this sea of losers. You deserve so much better, there is so much potential-" Aspharr was cut off by Dwingvatt snorting with laughter from behind his book.

"You may find this amusing, bottom feeder, but by simple association I can raise dear Inphyy here, to stardom nearly overnight."

"Oh please," Dwingvatt rolled his eyes, and Aspharr looked down his nose at the female before him.

"Take my offer or leave it."

"I think I'm good. Yeah. I'm good. But I'm sure that Myifee here wouldn't mind you showing him some new _sword play_." The warrior wiggled his eyebrows at the blue soldier, who humphed.

"Fine then. Stay here. You'll regret this. Mark my word-"

"Aspharr, shut the fuck up," Dwingvatt said, looking up from his book.

"Is that a threat?" The human sneered.

"It can be."

"Even if you did manage to harm me. You'll never be a main character. Little emo brat." At those words Dwingvatt calmly dog eared the page he was on in his book, took off his glasses and stood.

"Call me that again," ask he spoke, he flipped his butterfly knife back out and began to flip it about idly in his hands.

"Little. E-" Aspharr didn't get a chance to finish as Dwingvatt leapt over the table and began attacking the main character for the second time that day. Inphyy and Myifee just looked the other way.

QQQQ

Probably looking at only two or three more chapters here, and then it will be done. Hopefully I'll get another chapter in AiT out this month too. Enjoy.


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